Why do we find it hard to finish what we started?
And why it's not your fault!
Before I start, I want to be clear that this is a judgement-free zone.
Starting things and not seeing them through is part of the human condition.
You do it. I do it.
In fact, I joined THREE (yes three!) different "challenges" in September.
And I didn't manage to do any of them.
Why?
There're a few different reasons why we don't do the things.
But to be clear - none of them are your "fault".
You're not a bad person.
You're not failing.
It's OK!
Let's hop in..
1. All or Nothing Thinking
Also known as black and white thinking; or cognitive distortion.
It can come from a number of different places.
Sometimes from a place of perfectionism - "If I can't do it perfectly, I'm not going to be able do it at all".
Or a generalisation where you see everything as bad based on one event.
When you're experiencing this sort of thinking pattern, you can only see black/white, yes/no...
There's no room for shades of grey and you throw the towel in quickly.
How does this impact your health?
Perhaps you've been meaning to join Pilates classes, or been thinking for ages about picking up starting a new class.
But you keep saying to yourself:
- I'm so busy, I'll miss some of the regular sessions. There's no point in starting; or
- I'm so unfit. Last time I tried to do anything, I was really sore afterwards. I'll never be able to do it.
If you often find yourself thinking like this, it's worth the reminder that no-one's perfect.
And tell yourself that "it's only movement" - it doesn't have to be 100%.
You don't have to go crazy every time.
You don't have to do every single thing.
But doing something is a million times better than doing nothing.
2. Lack of self-compassion
Soooooooo many people say to me "I'm not good at Pilates".
Or "I'm so rubbish at this".
Constantly criticising themselves for anything and everything.
How does this impact your health?
When you give yourself a boot up the arse for not being able to do something, it makes you feel crap about yourself.
And to make the bad feeling go away, you give up.
I say this A LOT about Pilates - it's called a Pilates practice, not a Pilates perfect.
And it's the same with any of our classes.
You wouldn't expect to pick up a trumpet and be able to play like Louis Armstrong straight away, would you?
No, Jane.
Cut yourself some slack. You're doing great.
(Oh and by the way, it NEVER gets easier - you just get stronger so I make you do harder things!).
3. The Neuro-Divergent Brain and Executive Function
I firmly believe there are way more female neuro-divergent (ND) brains out there than we might imagine.
As females growing up, we're told to not make a fuss, to conform, to be a good girl.
And so we mask the traits that lead to boys being diagnosed as ND earlier in life.
But, girls and women can still struggle in the same way with aspects of "executive function", which will make it harder to achieve certain types of tasks.
And many women find that as they approach perimenopause and beyond, their ability to continue to mask traits (or even to want to), disappears.
[Executive function happens in the prefrontal cortex and includes planning, decision making, problem solving, emotional regulation, attention, and information processing]
How can this impact your health?
It can make it much harder to start AND maintain a consistent approach to your health and well being if you're ND.
Maybe you start many, many things.
And like your laptop, you feel like you've got too many tabs open!
Or perhaps, you find it hard to be flexible - so if something doesn't go as expected, it's difficult to do something else instead.
Or maybe you get super frustrated when things don't go as planned so you stop and do nothing.
Or perhaps you don't seem to be able to get organized.
Look, obvs, I'm not a doctor or in any way qualified to make a diagnosis.
But, if you think you may be ND, recognise that it will be harder and be kind to yourself.
Do what you can, when you can with your energy levels at the time.
4. Your "window of tolerance" could do with some expansion
This concept describes your ability to operate and deal with day to day stress.
In short, it's your ability to handle your feelings in a healthy way so you can function and thrive.
How does this impact your health?
When you're sitting in a place of chronic stress, it's hard for your prefrontal cortex (i.e. executive function) to work.
And instead, your amygdala - the ancient part of your brain that processes emotions, particularly fear - is in control.
So you're less likely to be able to make decisions; may find it harder to concentrate; and either not start things at all, or start and not finish them.
You might remember this blog from some time back about how to close out your stress cycle.
This will allow your amygdala to stand down and let your prefrontal cortex work.
Move. Breathe. Laugh. Cry. Hug a loved one.
Do whatever feels right to let that stress go.
Phew, it's really not my fault!
Perhaps you recognised some of these in your own life.
Maybe you've got so used to beating yourself up about not seeing things through, that it's just business as usual for you.
Or it could be you've never thought about it in this way before.
If this has been the first time you've thought about it, then let me invite you to take some time to sit with it.
Reflect on how you can let go of perfectionism; be kinder to yourself; and help your amygdala stand down.
